Monster Chef
by The Neon Catz
Summary: Undyne decides to host a TV cooking competition. What could possibly go wrong? —NeonClan November/December/January Monthly Writing Contest


**Apologies, this was thrown together in a few days due to me switching ideas a bajillion times which I guess was good since we had 3 months for this xD Enjoy!**

 **I was gonna name this Cooking with Undyne but apparenty that's already a thing ;w;**

 **IMPORTANT NOTICE: this is for the neonclan monthly writing contest but i was stupid and did not plan ahead so bc im on a device w/o working copypaste, this shall be posted on my personal account before being deleted and transferred over to the normal anonymous joint account for the contests cx so, do not fear, it is not copying! (oh, and save reviews for the next version pease !)**

 **EDIT: This is now on the correct account. The original version shall be deleted in a moment. Review here.**

* * *

The Temmie assistants were frantically pushing around cameras, microphones, and other random assorted fancy filming equipment. Everything was flying around all over the place and nothing seemed to be heading towards a specific destination.

"Come on, five minutes until airtime!" Undyne yelled downwards from atop her onstage judge's throne. "Do I need to start showing off my muscles to make you Tems work?"

Everything halted to a stop, and every single Temmie shook their head, vibrating nervously. They all got back to work, actually being productive, because muscles are not cute!111!one!1!

Alphys peeked out from behind a massive camera. "Um... Undyne? Where are the contestants?"

"...Dangit! Quick, Alphys, capture- uh, I mean, fetch Frisk, Papyrus, the mouse, and- I forget his name but he', the robot who likes seductively eating grapes on top of piaonos," Undyne ordered her assistant.

Gah, it was so close to airtime! Last minute Woshuas were furiously scrubbing every single piece of equipment they could get their... Limbs... onto. Alphys ran backstage with the prisoners- er, contestants.

"T-ten seconds until live!" Alphys yelled, frantically reciting anime characters through her head after rushing back on.

"5... 4... 3... 2... 1... And we're live!"

The camera zoomed around the kitchen set onstage a few times before dramatically focusing in on Undyne.

"Welcome, Tsunderplanes and Pyropes and all monsters out there tonight, to Monster Chef! I, Undyne, am your host as always," Undyne yelled a bit too loudly, flashing a wide winky grin as an awkward applause track played.

The hostages- er, willing participants- were rolled out on a sticky conveyor belt created by Alphys, each to their own kitchen station. The stations were dark, but spotlights would click on as each individual was introduced.

"Today's contestants are: Mouse! Papyrus! Frisk! And Sexylegs! Wait, sorry, typo, Mettaton!

"Y'all already know how this works, no?" Silence was the response, save for a few muffled protests from Frisk.

Undyne grinned again. "Great! I'll explain again. It should be very simple for all of you. I, Undyne, will give you a food to bake for me. The best entry will win... Er... The prize shall be announced later!"

She winked at the camera. "Your dish to make today is... Cheesecake! And... Begin!"

* * *

Frisk was reluctantly stirring their ingredients together into something that might resemble a cheesecake (it's not like there was much competition today) when Mettaton approached them, winking.

"Hello there human, could I please request your kind assistance in a trivial matter?" the sexy robot asked, batting his eyelashes.

"You see, one of the ingredients of utmost importance in my world famous cheesecake is a human soul, and I can't seem to locate the substitution today..."

* * *

Papyrus threw his jumble of food into a microwave, not noticing that it was unplugged.

* * *

Having finished early after being content wish his cake, Mettaton leaned back on a piano that had randomly appeared out of thin air for no reason, and popped a few grapes into his mouth.

* * *

Mouse seemed to be having quite a bit of difficulty accessing its ingredients...

* * *

"Time!" Undyne yelled randomly once she was bored of watching the kitchen bustle. The chefs raised up their arms, and stepped away, before preparing to present their dish to the fish judge.

First up was Mouse. It squeaked, and rolled over to the front with its prepared food.

Gleefully, Undyne prepared to dig in, but the cheesecake was frozen to the plate!

"Come on, Mouse, do something about this!" Undyne shouted, growing determined. But the mouse refused, and had already merely scuttled back into some other hidey-hole.

Frisk was nowhere to be seen, save for a suspicious-looking soul-less corpse stuffed into the cabinet of one of the kitchen stations. Behind the camera equipment, Alphys smh'ed. All of Undyne's participants were turning out to be invalid.

Next up was Mettaton. Undyne let out a big sigh of relief wheb the robot wheeled up an actual cheesecake. At least _somebody_ knew how to cook properly!

Eagerly, Undyne dug into the cake, and nearly spit it all straight out again. "Mettaton! What in _Ruins_ did you out in this monstrosity of a cake?!" she spluttered, having expected at least something of quality. She mentally noted down that later she would have to ask Alphys to upgrade him to be able to bake amazing cheesecakes.

"I guess human souls aren't an exquisite flavor to everyone," Mettaton explained, raising one eyebrow.

Finally, there was only Papyrus left. Undyne braced herself for whatever horror was about to show.

The skeleton carted up his food and revealed... spaghetti?

"Er, Papyrus, this isn't cheesecake..." Undyne noted, politely starting to inch away from Papyrus's infamous spaghetti.

His jaw dropped all the way off his face and onto the ground. "WHAT?! WE HAD TO MAKE CHEESECAKE?! WHY SHOULD I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS THE HERO, HAVE TO ABIDE BY WHAT YOU TELL ME TO MAKE?!"

Undyne frowned. There wasn't going to be a resolution to this problem any time soon, so she left the skeleton rambling and ignored.

"I shall now consult with my co-director on which one shall win!" Undyne yelled again, before running off towards Alphys.

"Grrahh! None of these entries are any good! What should I d, Alphys?" Undyne tried to whisper.

Alphys flushed pink at being adressed with questions by Undyne-senpai. "W-well, maybe uh, if none of them are good, you could declare them all losers and bake an, uh, example cheesecake yourself?"

Undyne shook her head. "Nah, that will never work. Ooh! I just got a great idea! What if I declare them all losers and bake an example cheesecake myself?"

Alphys was nervous to correct her, and simply nodded. "Good idea, Undyne."

The fish host grinned again, and ran back onstage. "Welcome back to Monster Chef! After much deep and thoughtful discussion, the winner today is... nobody! You all lost! All of the cheesecakes were terrible! Anyway, I shall be making an example of the ideal cheesecake for you all now," Undyne shouted at the viewers, grinning again.

She randomly picked a kitchen station to work at.

"First, we must preheat the oven to a reasonable temperature," Undyne explained, turning the dial to the right.

"Hotter! Hotter! It must be hotter!"

"Um, Undyne, I-I don't think-"

"Hotter!"

And with that, the set burst into flames.


End file.
